- My sanity is in question, my mind is racing. I hate to admit there is no escaping. Only been a few days you’ve been gone, my God, why can’t you let him come back home? Every breath l take seems so long, this doesn’t feel right, a terrible situation. Oh how I wish it was just my imagination. But for the grace of God, I am still here, alive but barely holding on to the Faith I have. It was once so strong, but now I’m being tested, tried, and approved. To me this whole ordeal is rather cruel, my mind is gone, l feel like a fool. I will always live by your golden rule: Love the Lord with all your heart, and love thy neighbor as yourself. Trying to get over this pain, I’ve made a decent start. How do I ever get him out of my heart? There is no way to, it would be selfish and rude: to forget about him and all we went through. I refuse to blank out my mind, trying to turn back time. If only I had been there, but I wasn’t, it doesn’t seem fair. I can’t be angry with God, and my only regret: I should have been there for him to give him my very breath. I would have breathed life back into his lungs. I am looking for words to comfort my soul, all that l hear is: Son, it was part of the plan, my ultimate goal. I wanted your twin with Me up in heaven, where he is free forever, with no restriction. I got rid of his filthy drug addiction. I know he is better off with you Lord, but it feels like l am experiencing crucification. The grief and anguish that you bore on the cross, is very comparable to my loss. He was my double, heaven forsaken, just because you made two of us, is not a good reason. You must be mistaking! You don’t make mistakes, I am certain of that, so restore my soul and give me rest. Do this for me and l will give you my best. You already have my other half, but you must want more. You can have my whole being, go ahead and take me to heaven. I long for that awesome reunion! One day I will see you again, my brother, my other half, my best friend……. I love you my twin!